Why now...

I haven't written a blog here in a while. I moved some things to tumblr, but this needed to be here.

"We are Children of the Sun
But more specifically, YOU are a child of the sun. You are so giving and so loving and so open to the world still, and I envy you that some of the time, but then it goes and throws up in your face a little, and I remember that people like you sometimes need a little extra protecting, and when the protecting doesn't help they just need a little extra love given right back to them before they can bounce back. I'm not as good at the giving and the loving and the being open as you are, but I am a pretty decent listener and I have a fairly good crying shoulder, even though you said you've already had enough of crying. The point, I guess, is that you are so consistently determined to see the best bits in people and in the world that sometimes you get your hopes up prematurely. I hope that's a fair analysis."

Erin Evoy wrote this about me last year. I got a little heart broken by a real good guy. But now, its different. Things here are not the way I want them to be. I need to find the respect for myself that I once had. I don't want boys to think I'm easy. I'm really not. But Erin was right, I get my hopes up prematurely and I see the good in everyone so fast that I can't help but love everyone. But people don't understand that. They don't get why or how I can get so close to people so fast. I always thought the ability to find the genuine bits of people was a good thing. But apparently people don't like that. I lost one of my best friends in high school over this. I just wish people understood. I wish my situation wasn't so unique. I wish people I hung out with could know why I do the things I do. I wish I could explain it to them. But I can't. Because even after hours of talking it wouldn't make sense. Their point of view would stick around- I know because thats how people are. It hurts so much for a person to say 'i'm not sticking up for you anymore'. I can't even explain how much those exact words have hurt me in the past, and how much they're hurting me now. I thought I found my place. I thought people would accept me for what I am now. But Its exactly the same. It is EXACTLY the same. And that scares me so so much.

Where is your head Katherine?

The only way I can describe this is strong feelings.
Confused strong feelings.
The excitement of going to university next year was taking over the sadness of what we're leaving behind. And was masking the fears, and apprehension that I have about leaving. But suddenly the tables turned. And all those bad feelings came at once. And a wave of sickness, physical sickness washed over me. And It was something I couldn't shake. But I've cried it out. And I've talked it over a little bit. And I'm going to be okay. Because I have plenty of people who love me. And I know that whenever I need it I'll have my little cousins smiling faces so near by to make me feel better. We're moving forward. And forward is a good direction. If its going to be scary, its going to be new mistakes we learn from, not the same old things. It feels good to feel good. And I want to keep feeling good. I can't ignore this like I have been. I need to face my fears, acknowledge my apprehension, all so I can calm my nerves. I can do this. I will be okay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5AtkOF8wTQ&feature=player_embedded#at=80
<3

You're gonna want this back

I have done a lot of thinking lately of why I haven't been crying about leaving ABE. Usually I'm a wreck at times like these. I thought maybe it was because I knew I'd be seeing everyone places anyways. Or maybe I was just supressing the fact that I will miss ABE so so much. Or maybe its because I have way too many happy memories at ABE for me to be sad at a time like this, and not happy, and reminiscent. Or maybe I'm just too excited for whats next.

And I decided it must be a combination of all those things, because I just suddenly got sad. But not too sad. Still so happy at the same time. I can't describe it. It's really bizarre.

The point is, I loved ABE. Even the bad days were made better by all the amazing people, and the amazing spirit that we all have. It is the most supportive, happy, and fun environment and I wouldn't have wanted to spend my 3 years in highschool anywhere else.

Love it.
Love you.

p.s. I cried right before I wrote this. All is well.

As we go on we remember

Dear Class of 2011,

CONGRATULATIONS!
I am so so happy to graduate with all of you. Grad was the most amazing night and I wouldn't have wanted to trek through these three years with anyone else.Abe has been the best school I could have ever hoped for. The spirit that we have as a school is amazing, and the way we support everyone just proves what amazing people we have in our class. From Terry Fox, to benefit week, to mullets, to filthy Fridays, to musical theatre, to bro trips, to house parties, I will never forget any of it. Its hard to believe we only have 10 days left of highschool, 10 days left of public education that we've been working so hard towards for 13 years. This is life as we know it, and its all about to change. I'm excited to move on. But I hate that thought that we won't all see eachother everyday, and that some of you I might not see again. I love you alll. And I love ABE x 12. So, keep in touch, and lets party as hard as we did at grad because
WE DID IT!

Love,

Katie
xoxo

I know the suns still shinin' when I close my eyes

I Am
Euphoric.
Content.
Enjoying every moment.
Blessed.
Elated.
Jubilant.
Flying High.
On Cloud Nine.

Life is going swimmingly.
I feel pretty lately.
Someone told me I looked pretty the other day.
And then someone else agreed and said: yeah, you look smiley.

I like looking Smiley.I like being Smiley.I like being excited for the future, but also living in the moment.I like that I can't wait to go to university, but at the same time I am enjoying every minute I have left of highschool.I like singing.I like how much it means to me and I like the times when I realize that.I like all my classes and I like that I may just beat Billy in chem I juuust might.I like that I have rediscovered my love for the Beatles. I like that I have tanlines and I like that it is warm out. I like that I have a grad 'date' now.I like that I have rose scented mascara,and I love.lovelovelove being so happy.

It really is a great day to be alive.

My life goes on in endless song

I can't stop crying.

This choir has been such a huge part of my life for so long, its hard to believe what life will be like without it.Even for the rest of this year, Not seeing those faces that I am so lucky to sing with every week will be so hard to bear. I would never ever voluntarily leave.

In the finale of the mass, I was literally shaking. I was trying so hard to hold back the tears. And the song was so amazing it was taking over. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say goodbye to. Leaving highschool is bad enough, but having to leave my second family almost makes me sick.

I love you. All of you.
I have learned so much singing with all of you, and I will miss it so so much.

I don't even know what I want to say anymore. I just can't believe it's over.
It just...can't be.

Travel on

Note the new colours on my blog happen to be Guelph's colours. And that picture up there? Part of the Guelph campus.
I am so happy.
I shed a few tears, but this feels right.

Ontario bound