Tell me what you know about dreamin', dreamin'

I never blame fate. But I often thank it. When something good happens I can say that was meant to be. But when something bad happens, it's just not as easy to believe. It's like god. I'm a christian, but in the past... year I suppose it's been really hard to believe. Recent events have made me question the validity of my religion, but I don't want to let it go anyways because I feel there will always be a part of me that believes. And there will always be that 9 year old inside me who was scared of dying in her sleep that prayed so hard every night, and repeats the same prayer, just by habit in her head every night.

Shit happens.

Thats just part of life. Everybody knows it, and I don't think anyone denies it either. I don't think anyone thinks the world is perfect. Even naive children have fears, whether they come from the unknown, or from the warnings from parents, teachers, and maybe even'the big kids'. But the world is a beautiful place. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better.

I was reading your old blogs and I almost cried. I can't even fathom anymore those weak, helpless feelings I felt for the better part of last year.I don't mean that I forget. I know what they feel like. Reading those blogs made them all rush back pretty quickly. I just mean that I can't believe that I felt that way for so long. And you felt a lot of the same things I did. So that makes me wonder if it was fate. Or luck. Or devine intervention. But then, if I think about everything it could have been, I also think... Why should I have to choose? It happened. And i am happy again. And I have been happy for a long time now. This is not one of those tiny little waves I got every once in a while last year. I believe this is permanent. At least until... whatever it is, decides to send me another little suprise. But I've grown up so much since this all began. I've learned so much. I've become more independant, even if I do make my parents make me pb&j still.

I believe in Valentines day. We get a little busy sometimes, and we forget to remind those we love that we really do love them. Sometimes we just need a little push.

I don't believe in Valentines day. I believe in loving everyday. I believe in being mushy, and cheesy, but not because we're told to, or that we think we should be, but because thats the only way we can let out whats in our heart.

So I love you. I love whoever is reading this, because if you've made it this far, you might just care a little about what I have to say. And I appreciate that.

Bust mostly, I love YOU. You changed my entire highschool experience. Without you, I could still be in that state that I don't even want to think about anymore. I could still be searching around at lunch, remembering the days when everything was easy. Wanting to go back to my childhood where I didn't have to deal with all that bullshit. I could still be crying. Okay... I lied, I am crying. But it's because I am remembering the bad times. But the important thing is, is that those times are in the past. And we have more adventures in the future. I know I say I love you too much. And I know it loses some meaning because of that. But When I say it, every single time I say it to you, I mean it. Reading your blogs, I was sad that you weren't around for Nick. And That I wasn't around for Ira. I was sad that we met when we did. But at the same time, I was so happy we met when we did. Maybe because of that, we are as close as we are now. If fate was in charge, I think it waited until we were grown up enough to meet eachother. And mature enough to watch sophisticated films such as Bill and Ted and use vast vocabulary such as heinous and bodacious. I'm lucky to have you around. And I wanted to tell you I loved you, on February 15th. And its as true as it ever has been and ever will be.

Oh, and just before I forget... be excellent to eachother.