In 5 years time

It freaks me out that I have to do university applications in like 6 months. Children do not do university applications. Big kids do. So I really do not know how I got roped into this.Everything is changing so fast.It is quite possible that this may be my last full summer in Ontario, but then again, I can decide on Europe or Ontario when the time comes.I still can't decide if I'm stoked on growing up or not. On one hand, we have so much to look forward to and basically our whole lives are ahead of us. But on the other hand, we have the toy story perspective, that we're leaving so much behind not just material things, not just our families but just time. Leaving our childhoods which I don't like one bit. Theres a lot to think about.

I made my bed today, even though I am handicapped at that. I don't do my own laundry. I don't cook for myself, well sometimes.If KD and sidekicks count.I can't sew.I procrastinate.a lot.In fact this blog started like 3 days ago. Basically I am fucked for going off on my own.

But! There is an upside! FREEEEEDOMMM. I will be 18 in less than a year. That is bizarre. No more hiding alcohol from my parentals. Not that I do that anyways. But y'know. It's exciting, and scary,and sad and uber happy. And I guess I can not wait for this rollercoaster of emotions. It's going to be a wild one.

That's all I have to say I think. I'll make a more vague and deep blog for no apparant reason in the near future. I think.

Firworks evoke a lot of feelings in me I think.

I think.

Toy Story: The trilogy of a generation

First off, can we just note how good of a title this blog has. Second, to get you all in the mood, please note that I am listening to 'you got a friend in me' in both english and spanish. Or better yet, pull up youtube and put it on yourself. Okay so we all know that toy story 1 was a fantastic movie and the second one did not fall far behind. But for those of you who have not seen the third yet, STOP READING AND GO SEE IT. I'm thinking it was so good that I'm going to put it on my top movies list. Well, that doesn't exist, but if I had one, it would be on there. It was so so good. Toy Story was a symbol of all of us growing up and to grow up with these movies just seems like something so special to me. Seeing Andy go off to college reminded me of Jeff leaving last year and of the crazy fact that that will be me next year. Leaving my toys and my childhood behind. Oh my goodness. I have never cried so much in a movie. And I think it's not only because of that ongoing theme, or that the fact that we can all relate to toy story in so many ways but because we all grew up with Andy.It was sad to see it end but I feel like it was the perfect ending, with just the right amount of closure and I'm pretty sure everyone else from our generation would agree. I think it's a good thing they aimed the whole story at us, and not at the new little kids that would be watching it. I think it's just cool that everyone has the same understanding that toy story is ours. And that's what makes my heart ache when I watch it. When Bonnie went to take Woody, and Andy clutched him to his chest and wouldn't let him go... OH BOY tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. And watching Andy play with his toys just one last time with Bonnie, oh my god literally I'm crying again.haha wow.But seriously, Toy Story 3 is a flash back to our past, and a look into our futures and that's what makes it truly special.

Toy Story forever, to infinity and beyond

You know it's summer when

You Get drunk on a Tuesday night and your parents seem to have no problem with that
You decide to go to Mcdicks for breakfast on a Wednesday
You put shorts on in the morning and it's not even cold
Your freckles begin to appear =)
You talk to your cousins about where, and when you plan to party with them
You play your guitar in the grass until it gets too hot
Your weird sunburn fades to a weird tan
Shoes are not an option. Unless flipflops count as shoes
Your mother stops saying 'it's too cold to wear that'
The only thing that stops you is the rain
You feel cooped up, not protected when you're inside
Socks are the death of you. (sorry erin)
Visions of cottages and lakes dance through your head
You say 'IT'S SO HOT' a lot.
You drive by school and either cringe,or say see you in 2 months mothafuckaa.
You can feel the rockin times juust around the corner

Monsieur M

and basically, you make me happy, you make me giggle, you make me smile, you are intriguing, you pretty much have nothing but qualities I admire, and adore. You simply make my day
xoxo

Greatest gifts

I just feel like every little while, I realize how beautiful life can be. This is just a short list of a few man made and natural things that just make me oh so happy.

Gods greatest gifts
Music
True Friendship
Baby's laughter
Sunshine
Rain (but only the good kind)
Fire
love love love, love love love.

Mans greatest gifts
Hottubs
Sidekicks
good books
highways
automobiles, even if they kill the planet

the top moments of 2009-2010

So, parts of this year have been very hard. But I try not to dwell on the bad things and since it is the end of the year the is the...

HIGHLIGHTS OF 2009-2010 BLOG

1. Mr Lams Math class: Mr Lam never failed to make us all laugh. And He is the only teacher that could actually make me want to go to math, because math is the bane of my existence. Mr.Lam was always there to stay after school and one day he stayed to teach me a whole unit i was missing for almost 3 hours after school. Now that is dedication as a teacher.He also claims how he hates crying girls but when tears came out of my face due to the copious amounts of math in my head pushing them out he was there to give me a pat on the shoulder and a "you can do it katie". Not to mention the hilarious times with Mandrea, Grayson and my all time favorite Evoy.

2. Terry Fox mosh pit: Really, I just love ABE spirit and I think that's so hilarious that that even happened. Also I crowd surfed so I am stoked on that opportunity!

3.New music: I found so much new music this year and got into a whole new style of it. MBF catalyzed my entry into the indy music world and thanks to him I discovered so much more music and so many more beautiful people such as Benny P and Mandy Stobo!

4. New friends: I made a bunch of new friends this year as usual, like Jessica Schelly and some of my little gr.10 comrades. But there was ne in particular, who is the bestest. I know you don't like compliments, because you are crazy, but you are the best friend I've ever had. I can be so down, and you-or a certain movie- can bring me right back up again. And I'm glad to say that the only times I've ever cried because of you are happy tears because you basically changed my life. I was in a slum, and I am not often found in slums but you kind of saved me and you made me happy again. I can't wait for more adventures with you because they will surely be great. I'm glad you don't judge me...unlike some people...haha but the point of the story is I send mad love vibes all over the world for you. Because you will undoubtedly travel to all the places I sent my love to and when we are Europe, we will catch the love in a jar, and never let it go. I love you. (no homo. hahahahaha)

5.Musical theatre: Today, I was pretty upset in the afternoon. So I decided to re-perform my cabaret for the other class and it picked me up immediately. There is nothing but music that has such power. But performing is even more incredible than just singing. And such. I love our cast. Our show was crazy, but I love it. It picked me up all the time and for that I am grateful

6. My favorite number. 6 was a good number this year. The number of months it took me to say fuck you for good. The month I started drivers ed. My field hockey number, Tims favorite number. It just makes me happy.

7. Cross Country: Cross Country is just my favorite time of year. It makes me sooo happy. I loved being captain this year, even if I was SPC, everyone knew I was the real captain. haha I also loved getting a gold medal for being city champs YEAH YEAH! Best thing ever. I love our team, I love winterstart and I love endorphins. They are a gift from god my friends. Gift.From.God.

8. My athletic awards! okay, this one is so exciting because I didn't even know I was getting them. I just showed up and they gave me a plaque and a medal and a pin and it was just all so exciting. Haha I love things like that. Anything engraved is legit, so I will accept that with a smile.

9.Waterloo Trip!: My winter waterloo trip was definitely a highlight of my year and i hope i hope my exam schedule is good next year so I can go again! I miss my cousins so so so much because they are just the best and the cutest things ever. I am also very excited for my heart to heart with my uncle Jim because that shit is going to happen.

10. Being happy: It wasn't there all year, but there were so many moments that I was stoked on. Like, all 9 things above. Field hockey and Swimming also make the list even though I am fat and lazy. I would give this year a decent rating. But it was no 10. Cheers my friends, have an awesome summer

Nouveau question

If you could have a swimming pool full of anything except water, what would it be and why?

Jus for kicks.

Maybe closure will never happen.

I think I'm slowly beginning to understand how you could have thrown me away like nothing. Let me rephrase that. I'm starting to understand why you thought it was okay to throw me away like nothing. No matter how much I get in your head, and see why you dropped me, I still don't understand how you could disregard a persons feelings like that. You're supposed to be a good little christian girl, and a representative of jobs daughters which teaches good values, and yet you can still treat a person like shit. Like you treated me. But I understand how you didn't think I was the same person anymore I just honestly wish you could have been straight up with me and told me what was going on instead of springing it on me and being so incredibly immature. I've grown apart from people. You're not the only person I've called my best friend, that isn't my best friend anymore. But you were the most brutal, messy 'break up' ever. Honestly when you walk in the same room as me I don't want to see your face because the memories come rushing back and make me want to cry.They make me upset. They make me angry. And I just don't even know what to do when I see you anymore. It's like none of this has phased you and erasing me from your life was the easiest thing you've ever done. I hope you get upset too thinking about the adventures that we will never have together. I hope you regret not finishing our list. I hope you miss crown grocery binges as much as I do. And it's not because I want you to be sad. I just don't want to feel like I was thrown out so easily anymore. I'm finally happy. I like where I am now. I just want you to know that I'm sorry things happened the way they did.I hope you know how much you hurt me.I hope you learn from this. I know I have. And I guess in a way, I thankyou for letting me find out so many more things about myself. I was bitter for a long time. I honestly didn't want to be around people at all. And you KNOW that's not me. But once you've been to a place you've never been before, and you bounce back the sky looks bluer the grass looks greener and life looks so so much more amazing. You made and make me so sad still. But at least when I think of the good parts, I can forgive you. Cheers.

p.s. I kissed nick and wished so hard that i could tell you.I hope that still means at least a little bit to you.



"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it"

I feel like this is a terrifc 50th post.

Who are you when noone else is around? I like to think I'm the same person I always am whether I'm with people or not. Maybe a little more outgoing, but who isn't? When you're home, you have to do the things that are socially unacceptable to get it out of your system. Like lying on the kitchen floor, can't really do that so much in public. But this is my analogy: We are all like a fridge light. When noone is looking, and the door is closed, we're the same person we always were just noone can see it. And when there are people around, we sort of turn on and so we're a little bit different, but really it's for everyones good. Like I always say, as long as you know who you are, doesn't really matter what other people think of you.It's always good to help people see their food in a fridge though, thats an imporant quality for sure.

Smells just like christmas

I feel like I write a lot of blogs. But my theory is because I seperate everything. Like some people, will write a blog and have like 3 different topics in it. But oh no, not me. I need some fucking order. So in my books this is a faux pas by writing this in a blog about something else, so were all going to forget that I did this and get right to it

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

This, I find is a very tricky question. I think so, because I do know how old I am. 16 years and 354 days old. It's also a tough one because there are some many different parts of me to consider, that it's hard to put one age on as a sterotype. For example, I think I understand people pretty good and I think in that way I'm a lot more mature than most highschool peeps so I'd put an older age on that like... lets go with twenty...seven. But then, I'm also a child at heart and I like to kick it old school a lot of time. And by old school i mean watch bugs bunny or have shrek marathons. So there, I'd say I'm like... 7. because I think I would say 12, but who are we kidding, from age 11-14 we were all the fakest shit in the world.Don't even think for a second you weren't ladies, YOU WERE. But thats okay, as long as we've all found ourselves again by now. It's only bad if you're stuck in that whole pleasing everyone stage. It's never going to happen. Just be you. So if you take those two numbers together, and find the average it.s 17. And I swear to god I didn't do that on purpose. That's fucking eerie. I guess I am right where I'm supposed to be. Perfect =)
I will now leave you with a parting song that I think represents me quite well.

To the moon

Don't you cry coyote I'll be your friend
I will listen to your sorrows 'til the very end

Mr.Sir.

You worried me so much. I kept thinking about you all day the other day.you know why? because I love you. so so much and I never want to see you hurt. And it breaks my heart to hear you say you don't think you deserve anyones care because you are one of the most amazing people I know. I don't know whether it's you're swooshy hair, or your ability to never ever disappoint me,but theres something special about you. So you ask me why? And say that you're not even a good person and you're barely even nice. But I really don't know. All I can say is that you make me happy.And I miss you.And when I'm with you, my smile will never fade. You are more than worth my time.Come back to me.

Keep this in mind.

I know it's all over. And it's better now. But I feel myself getting scared every once in a while and the emotional rollercoaster doesn't want to let me off.

Bleh.