Maybe closure will never happen.

I think I'm slowly beginning to understand how you could have thrown me away like nothing. Let me rephrase that. I'm starting to understand why you thought it was okay to throw me away like nothing. No matter how much I get in your head, and see why you dropped me, I still don't understand how you could disregard a persons feelings like that. You're supposed to be a good little christian girl, and a representative of jobs daughters which teaches good values, and yet you can still treat a person like shit. Like you treated me. But I understand how you didn't think I was the same person anymore I just honestly wish you could have been straight up with me and told me what was going on instead of springing it on me and being so incredibly immature. I've grown apart from people. You're not the only person I've called my best friend, that isn't my best friend anymore. But you were the most brutal, messy 'break up' ever. Honestly when you walk in the same room as me I don't want to see your face because the memories come rushing back and make me want to cry.They make me upset. They make me angry. And I just don't even know what to do when I see you anymore. It's like none of this has phased you and erasing me from your life was the easiest thing you've ever done. I hope you get upset too thinking about the adventures that we will never have together. I hope you regret not finishing our list. I hope you miss crown grocery binges as much as I do. And it's not because I want you to be sad. I just don't want to feel like I was thrown out so easily anymore. I'm finally happy. I like where I am now. I just want you to know that I'm sorry things happened the way they did.I hope you know how much you hurt me.I hope you learn from this. I know I have. And I guess in a way, I thankyou for letting me find out so many more things about myself. I was bitter for a long time. I honestly didn't want to be around people at all. And you KNOW that's not me. But once you've been to a place you've never been before, and you bounce back the sky looks bluer the grass looks greener and life looks so so much more amazing. You made and make me so sad still. But at least when I think of the good parts, I can forgive you. Cheers.

p.s. I kissed nick and wished so hard that i could tell you.I hope that still means at least a little bit to you.



"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it"