the lily, the rose

There is so much I want to write about. I want to write about life, and death and the afterlife, or if there even is an afterlife. I want to write about loving the world and loving eachother. I want to write about how the universe never meant for humans to be so terrible to eachother, and to our earth. I want to write about what I always write about-about appreciating what we have and not taking things for granted.I want to write about how I like when people do things to prove the earth is not so bad. And prove that its a good place. I want to talk about my life philosophy. I don't like that I can think these things so so hard and then I can't write what I want to. I mean, I can. But it would take a long time. And I simply haven't got the time. I am exhausted. I want to document it though. And I will. I'll get to it.

Bise

"I like that yesterday was the best one year anniversary ever, and that we wore matching but not matching clothes and ate McMinis. The anniversary deserves to have a full blog dedicated to it, but I do not have the energy for that. SO, I love you Katie McLean, and I am not going to say any more about that, because that is really all that I feel matters at this moment."

I think this pretty much sums it up.Except Beenerkeekee videos and little kid pictures of Kate really topped it all off. I was looking at that picture, and our shirts really do match way more than I thought they would. And people were talking about it all night, I heard like 3 girls say 'everyone is wearing lace, i feel like i missed a memo' and then i laughed because I knew they were talking about our nice anniversary clothes, but also Jennas coincidental outfit of choice.haha And since this doesn't make sense to anyone but Erin, I'm going to go right ahead and write a little blurb for the rest of you.

I feel like things are looking up. I hope like other years, the past year will fade into a memory and the new year will meld into it's own and not a reflection of gr.11. I'm still upset about musical theatre, but perhaps it's not as big of a deal as I thought. I suppose other people have bigger worries and I should be more thankful for what I have and not fret on what I'm missing. Speaking of that though, I really appreciate the support from you people who know how much this has sortof torn me up. (This means you Hannah and Lyndsay)

'Katie McLean, I love you. Don't quit on us, please. We need you, regardless of the craziness and unjustness of castings'

Things such as this mean more than you know, and I love you guys too, oh so much.



I'm not entirely sure why I felt this picture should go in this blog, but I kindof know.

I really like being happy.

Rants of the fucking day

First of all, why the fuck do people not flush the toilet! School bathrooms are disgusting. By, gr.12 you should have that down.jesus.

Second of all, why are all the jean sizes at American Eagle so fucked up? I can buy a 4, and an 8 in the same cut with a different wash and they'll fit the same. What the fuck. That makes no sense, and doesn't make it easy on us. Also, I don't like wearing an 8 it makes me feel SO fat to buy an 8.

Third and mostly, I tried not to show it at school much, but I'm actually really upset I didn't get a legit part in MT.I have 4 lines. 4 lines. 1 in the first act and 3 in the second.I had more lines when I was Liza with a Z and I wasn't even in the class.Not impressed. It feels like a slap in the face when last year Ms.D said the only reason I didn't get a part last year was because I wasn't technically enrolled in the class, THEN she says that she thought my audition this year was 10x better than my audition last year, and then I don't get a part. I feel like that doesn't add up. And I don't want to be the whiney person who isn't thankful for what she got, but I'm allowed to be upset. I also forgot to mention that I hate camelot theme, and my lines are retarded. I'm not even stoked at all anymore. I feel like there's not much there for me now, and this play is just not exactly what I'd hoped for for gr.12.

UGGH I'm so frustrated right now I need some cake.

p.s. can someone also tell me why we're singing the boys are back in town and bad romance in a musical theatre production? What. the. fuck.

negatif, positif, et des esperations

I feel like writing a blog but I have nothing much to say. I hung out with Rachel today, and even though we got soaked in a monsoon, it was still fun. I think a beautiful friendship is going to blossom ;) haha. I also saw my good ol' violin teaxher Wan Tsai. I saw here 2 times a week for 12 years from when I was 4-15 and then suddenly I never saw her anymore. Thats a strange thing. I hate endings. But I love new beginnings. I also had a good skype chat with Hamed today, and I find myself laughing uncontrollably whenever I talk to him. It's really not fair.

I started this yesterday, and I still really want to write but I still have nothing on my mind. I don't like having nothing on my mind. I don't like the only thing exciting or interesting to be a boy. Or something so quizzical as that. I don't like knowing that next week everything will pick up and I am going to become very stressed and probably not that happy again. I don't like that a big chunk of my support system has up and left me to go to university. I don't like that everyone is in their own world and it is hard to up and find a new support system. I don't like that I want to open up but I have no words for how I'm feeling. I always know. And I don't like not knowing.I don't like the gr.12 table. I don't like missing my family. I don't like that the pictures of my cousins on my wall make me sad because I miss them so much. I don't like being tired.I want my energy back.

I like new beginnings. I like challenges, as long as they are not too challenging. I like new clothes. I like making new friends. I like looking forward to some classes. I like singing. I like dancing.I like choir. I like new youth group.I like being excited. I like hanging out with new people, who aren't actually new. I like being a happy person, and I wish that person was there as much as she used to be.

I wish I could look on the bright side more. I wish I could forget about the past. I wish I could have some faith.I wish to be valedictorian.I wish my brother and best friends were home again. I wish I had less to vent about and more to ramble about.I wish I had less depressing blogs. I wish I was not a boring person. I wish I was gr.10 me, she was cool.

Bittersweet

I can't even describe the mix of emotions i have going on in my head and my heart right now. I'm so sad that 3 people I love so much have left me this year to go to uni,so I've lost some of that comfort and I haven't even gone anywhere. And that leaves me being scared and apprehensive for this year. I know a lot of things changed last year and I'm hoping -with all my heart and soul- that those things won't carry into this year. I hope the time apart this summer has made some closure for everything, and opened new doors for great things to happen. I'm also really excited to see what this year has in store. I can feel already that it's going to be a wild one. And I'm pretty sure thats a good thing...I think. It's also just all very crazy that we're graduating this year. Everything we've worked for in our entire lives basically leads to this year. Leads to grad. We have seen this year in the distance for years and years and it is bitter sweet to have it all come to an end. Basically everything we know will change next year and that is so exciting and terrifying. But really, theres so much more to come and it's crazy that this whole phase of our lives, from kindergarten until now will all be a memory in a matter of a year. So far, our entire lives have been in school, but after this, the rest of our life will be so different and this part of our life which is now our entire lives, will just be a fraction of it. Isn't that bizarre? I think it's so bizarre. Anyways, I'm excited for this year, and for being the graduating class of 2011.