I'm lost in the world

First off, let me just say that Kanyes "runaway" video is my new favorite thing and I keep watching it over and over because it makes me sooo happy. My favorite is I'm lost in the world though, because it starts out all slow and sad and then gets all rhythmic and chill I love it. The music in it is so so good and I love it all, but the message is even better. It's so simple, and it's one people bring up all the time, but it's also one thats never worked at. Kindof like peace on earth, everyone wants it, but we still go for it and have wars. I guess it's not really the same, that just makes me sad too. The point is though, that everytime something different comes along, people can't accept it and they try to change it. I think it's because people are so afraid. People are afraid of things they don't understand. They don't want to have to learn to deal with something new. Kanyes world has so much colour, it makes me want to notice all the pretty things in mine. I want to say thankyou to everyone who has accepted me for me in my life. I feel like I've done a lot of soul searching recently and I've tried to figure shit out. But when it comes down to it, I mostly end up right where I was in the beginning. I was a crazy little kid with no inhibitions and I've changed so much since then in some ways, but when it really comes down to the core of my personality, THAT'S who I am. I am that little kid with all the energy and love in the world and I just want to give it to everyone. But unfortunately, everyone doesn't always want that love. And people don't understand that, and they can't always handle all the energy. So I try to contain it. But then it ends up bursting out in a negative energy because it doesn't like being pent up like that. So again, for everyone who has accepted that, and accepted me, I want you to feel the love flow. Appreciate that energy because it's my soul. I give everyone everything I have. And I put significant effort into every relationship I have.To my family, to my friends, to my aquaintances... I want EVERYONE to be them. My goal in being around someone is to make their true colours shine through, because they can feel comfortable with me. Because of that energy flow that is constantly moving between people. I don't want to be changed. I vowed a long time ago to never lose myself. And I'm sorry if people can't handle that. Since I know exactly who reads this, I can say personally to all of you that I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. I wouldn't write all this to people I didn't care about. Sure, any random internet person can read this, but really

Rachel: your insight on life, on... everything, makes me want to spend more time with you every single time we talk. There is many problems with this "us not hanging out deal" and we need to fix that very soon.

Hannah: We have so many of the same views on things, so many of the same turmoils and we appreciate so many of the same things. You make me smile so hard, and I cannot wait until we hang out for real.Soon. I love you.

Erin: Kay I'm pretty sure you hear I love you from me way too often, even though I tried to cut back, but I really do. I know I overreact about a lot of things, but there goes that energy again, and it shows itself in so many different ways. I care about you more than you know. I know I never was made for the in crowd. I was never meant to have just a select group of friends. I was never meant to sit in a desk all day.But I still like TRYING all those things, just to see. Too bad I like them all, maybe that's why I'm so confused all the time. Point is, I want you to be happy because if you are happy, I am.

Lyndsay: I really like seeing your face in the math mirror. We're going to have to fix that soon. Yes, I know it's just a reflection BUT. I love it. You are stupendous and your bollywooding cracks me right up. I'm too white for that. Thanks for all your tips...tips.( see what I did there? ;) )

Anyone else who reads my blog, I'm sorry. I was unaware. I'm sure you are a spectacular person. I'm even more for the "everyone is beautiful" thing nowadays and my judgemental habits are ever more slowly slipping away and it makes me happy because maybe, just maybe I can eventually make a change. Not entirely sure how, but maybe. Now, if you take anything at all away from this make it a renewed sense of people. People do things for a reason you know, and never forget that energy thats the driving force of every human interaction. Feel it, embrace it, learn from it, and love it.