I ruv rife

I had 4 tests today. Out of a possible 5 classes. And a meeting at lunch. And leadership after school. Holy bonanza. Funny thing is, I still had such a good day! I love the Christmas spirit. I remember Turkeyfest in grade 10 was like, the best day of my life. I pity the fools who are missing out. But that was also because Nick was there, I'm pretty sure I wrote this all down in my diary at one point. I should read it. Anyways, preparing Turkeys with Hilary was so much fun,and we now have 3 wishbones waiting for us in Hilarys locker. Which is gross, but it's not my locker so that's fine. Anddd I have my first nutcracker tomorrow! I'll probably cry. I seem to be very emotional this Christmas. Actually this year, I hate things ending. BUT not this blog. because it needs to end. Because I am done.
otee thanks loveyou.

The music can free her whenever it starts

Okayyy so I have been so so busy since the show, I haven't even been able to write a blog about it. SO. Despite the "steady decline" and the crazy negative feelings towards the show, and the process, and me being bitter I did enjoy the show. That being said, it is a weight off my shoulders that it is over, and one less thing to worry about. I am so glad we finally bonded as a class (some more than others ;) ) because the class was sooo cliquey at first. I feel like even a crazy show like ours has the power to bring people together, just because we know we're a team, and we have to come together to make an enjoyable show. I don't even know what else to say. Other than I will miss MT mucho, no matter how much greif it causes me. Haha, really hoping the glee/flashmob club happens. Anyways thankyou to everyone who came to support me in it, and thanks to everyone in the class that made it worth while. I love you.

Oh haro there

Dear Gundepoo, I realized I have not read your bloggywog in a little while so I went and read all of the ones I'd missed. Which was like 5. Let me tell you, if I had any idea of what was going on, I would have been there with you 110%. I know how you feel. At least, I think I do. I have not had the same thing happen to me, because I just have no luck with the gentlemen in the first place, but I had it happen with a friend as you will know from reading my thousands of angsty blogs about it. And although people don't recognize it as being the same thing, or being as bad, I think it is. And I think any big change like that is scary, and can be sad. But it doesn't have to be.Its obviously going to be hard, but maybe everything happens for a reason and I'm sure everything will work out for the best. I'm here for you Melody, and I happen to love you to the moon.I also love your salty xylophone =)

On another note, people really need to stop saying "thats gay" and calling people fags. I used to be soo guilty of it but as soon as you become concious of it, it's so much easier to control and everytime someone says it I shudder. It's not cool guys. It's ignorant. Everyone has heard about the recent suicides of gay teens and everyone has seen the I <3 diversity stickers plastered everywhere. OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE. It's not okay. Quit that.


xox
Kmac

p.s. I don't know why I signed that. It just seemed like a good idea.

Perhaps I knew all along

The closest blog I have to a year from today was from December 18th 2009. Perhaps I could postpone this blog until then, but I want to get it out of the way, just like everyone else.

Grade 11 Katie wrote: "I honestly can't be held down by your insecurities that I'm going to leave you as a friend or something. I guess this whole "BFFAE" thing isn't going to work out."

I had forgotten about that. Maybe I knew it was coming. I acted like it all happened so fast, but that right there, that shows that I knew. Maybe it was a toxic freindship, as she would say.But then, how did I not realize? And also, how has it not even been a year yet? It seems like eons. I felt like it would take forever to get over it at the time anyways, but now, it seems so far in the distance it's hard to believe I never thought it would end. It's hard to believe it even happened. How will I feel about it in 10 years? or even 5?

It's hard for me to say "grade 11 Katie" did this, and "grade 12 katie" does this. Because it is nowhere near that black and white.There is too many places where I cpuld break it up, and say where I saw changes in myself, for the better, for the worse, for the better again.Grade 11 was a rollercoaster. December grade 11, I was worried I was going to lose my best friend. January grade 11,that became a reality. Spring grade 11, I became closer with one of the best people I know now. And somehow, that was so unexpected, and moving into that was one of the scariest transitions I've ever gone through. Grade 11 Katie hugged everyone in that hall that she knew. Pre-Winter/Winter Grade 11 Katie was so willing to give all her love to everyone. Spring Grade 11 Katie was scared to let anyone in. She gave up on people. She even distinctly said "I hate people" more than once. Something Winter Katie never would have said and something Grade 12 Katie doesn't even want to think. Because in reality, there is so many amazing people who helped me get through that whole situation. So many people who stopped Spring Katie from cutting off everyone from her world. Those people that broke through that little shell that built itself up around me. Those are the people that saved me. Those are the people who I truly care about.

Grade 12 Katie embraces every moment. Just like grade 10 Katie did. Grade 10 Katie loved everything and everyone and was determined to not let anything make her sad. Grade 12 Katie deals with sadness a lot differently now. Maybe she embraces it because she knows that out of a great sadness comes a great appreciation for everything that is good. Without hurt, you cannot heal. And without sadness, you can't feel true happiness. You can't really appreciate those moments that make your heart want to explode. You can't appreciate the people who love you until you feel the pain of losing that love from someone you cared about so much. The point is, grade 12 Katie has moved on. Grade 12 Katie doesn't want to dwell on the things that make her sad, because there is too many things to be happy about. Now, I cry it out. And move on. The crying out stage has been significantly shortened, and I'm happier, and healthier because of it. Grade 12 Katie still does not have a boy. Grade 12 Katie still wants a boy.But Grade 12 Katie wants. Grade 12 Katie does not need. Grade 12 Katie doesn't need anyone else to be her happiness, although there is some people who she sure does like having around.

Grade 11 Katie however knew what she wanted to do with her life. Grade 12 Katie does not. I feel like I did that a little backwards.Grade 12 Katie has so much to say. She wants to explore her history. She wants to look at how she got here,she wants to write an auto biography. She probably will. Someday.

Grade 12 Katie doesn't know what to do with herself.

I am bored of the routine. I want something big and exciting to happen, but I'm scared at the same time. Maybe the safety of the routine isn't so bad. I sometimes just like the way things are. But maybe thats just because I want something good to happen. Not something that makes me go bleh. Because I bleh too much these days. Fortunately,I eee a lot too, so it kinda makes up for it. My heart hurts. I need some sleep.
love.
love.



love.

Da doo ron ron

Have I had 2 happy blogs in a row? I think so. Time for a sad one.

I hate that I always fall for the wrong boy. And even when things are going so good, and everything seems right, it all falls apart and I am again, left alone. Lost in this world. It's like I knew all along, but I could hope and hope so much that it wasn't going to end. That we weren't going to have to have that talk.It was shortlived, but like Cory said, at least we can still have those times that make us happy, but as friends. Different, but maybe just as good.On the other hand, I love my friends who make me feel better, and who put up with me so much. You are all da best, and make me happier than a bird with a french fry. Yes, I'm back to that. I love life too much to be sad. I cried it out enough, and now, I want things to go back. There is nothing to "get over" my life has not changed, and a boy should not rule how I feel. I don't want to be that girl. I do however plan to kick his ass if he isn't still a good friend.Because he said so. So there. Thats all I have to say. Plus, theres 3on3 basketball tomorrow, so I am so so stoked. Yay life being good still =)

Excellent.

Maybe I shouldn't become a doctor. It seems like everyone except Ms.Vickers thinks I'm a good writer. Maybe I could use that. I feel like writing is such a good channel for me. Maybe I could make something out of it. Hmm hmm I just don't know what to do with my life right now. I feel distracted. A little absent, but at the same time living in the moment completely. In math today, Mr.Lam was explaining something straight to me, and I have no idea what he said. Nothing was sinking in. Everything went in one ear and out the other, if not right over my head. I don't feel very tired. I just don't really know whats up.

I do know that I had a very good week, and I'm looking forward to so many things. For starters, Sunday is the WESTERN FINAL! And I want the Stamps to win so so bad. I will probably cry if they lose. I'm gettin obsessed. I'm going to miss my father daughter bonding at the football games next year. =( Second, I signed up for the 3on3 basketball intermurals next week and I am so so stoked. I miss basketball so much, hopefully I haven't lost my skills altogether. That'd be pretty fucking sad. Maybe I'll go to open gym this weekend too... brush up on my 3 pointers ;). Thirdly, I have a boy interest. And I haven't really had a legit boy interest in a while, so I'm glad this one popped up, because things were getting a little dull. Definitely time to shake things up.Fourth, I had snitch cake today. And it was delicious. And i shared in with said boy interest which made me happy. It does not make me happy that people are heckeling me about it now, because though I have a pretty tough skin, I also have the biggest blush reflex ever, and I do not handle that very well. But that's fine. I can't complain because everything is going so well. ALSO Othello ABC's are done!Yesss! After school today, I made Christmas decorations with leadership and I got one of those warm fuzzies you get when a group of people do something just simple and nice, and you feel like you're a part of something. It made my week even better. So excited for the weekend, maybe playin some bball, hanging out with my favorite girl, hanging out with boy interest and going to the football game of the year. Life is swell.SO swell.

Trick Tap

Noone has blogged in a little while. Except Lyndsay, she had like, 3 new ones. She would. ;) I open blogger or whatever this website is called like everyday,and then I just close it because I have nothing to write about. My life for some reason is stagnant right now and it hasn't been in so so long. I guess there may be some things going on, and I just feel like things are standing still because I've been weekending, but not having an exciting weekend.That must be it. I crush on the boy that I know doesn't like me. Everytime. Except this time is just stupider somehow. Stop that Katie McLean, you are not helping yourself. In other news, I am going to Mexico for Christmas and I have never been, and I have always been home for Christmas. I'm super excited but at the same time, haveing a pineapple top as my Christmas tree will be weird. I like having Jeffy home, even though he is a poo. Life as an only child is boring, I need some abuse sometimes. That's all.

I'm lost in the world

First off, let me just say that Kanyes "runaway" video is my new favorite thing and I keep watching it over and over because it makes me sooo happy. My favorite is I'm lost in the world though, because it starts out all slow and sad and then gets all rhythmic and chill I love it. The music in it is so so good and I love it all, but the message is even better. It's so simple, and it's one people bring up all the time, but it's also one thats never worked at. Kindof like peace on earth, everyone wants it, but we still go for it and have wars. I guess it's not really the same, that just makes me sad too. The point is though, that everytime something different comes along, people can't accept it and they try to change it. I think it's because people are so afraid. People are afraid of things they don't understand. They don't want to have to learn to deal with something new. Kanyes world has so much colour, it makes me want to notice all the pretty things in mine. I want to say thankyou to everyone who has accepted me for me in my life. I feel like I've done a lot of soul searching recently and I've tried to figure shit out. But when it comes down to it, I mostly end up right where I was in the beginning. I was a crazy little kid with no inhibitions and I've changed so much since then in some ways, but when it really comes down to the core of my personality, THAT'S who I am. I am that little kid with all the energy and love in the world and I just want to give it to everyone. But unfortunately, everyone doesn't always want that love. And people don't understand that, and they can't always handle all the energy. So I try to contain it. But then it ends up bursting out in a negative energy because it doesn't like being pent up like that. So again, for everyone who has accepted that, and accepted me, I want you to feel the love flow. Appreciate that energy because it's my soul. I give everyone everything I have. And I put significant effort into every relationship I have.To my family, to my friends, to my aquaintances... I want EVERYONE to be them. My goal in being around someone is to make their true colours shine through, because they can feel comfortable with me. Because of that energy flow that is constantly moving between people. I don't want to be changed. I vowed a long time ago to never lose myself. And I'm sorry if people can't handle that. Since I know exactly who reads this, I can say personally to all of you that I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. I wouldn't write all this to people I didn't care about. Sure, any random internet person can read this, but really

Rachel: your insight on life, on... everything, makes me want to spend more time with you every single time we talk. There is many problems with this "us not hanging out deal" and we need to fix that very soon.

Hannah: We have so many of the same views on things, so many of the same turmoils and we appreciate so many of the same things. You make me smile so hard, and I cannot wait until we hang out for real.Soon. I love you.

Erin: Kay I'm pretty sure you hear I love you from me way too often, even though I tried to cut back, but I really do. I know I overreact about a lot of things, but there goes that energy again, and it shows itself in so many different ways. I care about you more than you know. I know I never was made for the in crowd. I was never meant to have just a select group of friends. I was never meant to sit in a desk all day.But I still like TRYING all those things, just to see. Too bad I like them all, maybe that's why I'm so confused all the time. Point is, I want you to be happy because if you are happy, I am.

Lyndsay: I really like seeing your face in the math mirror. We're going to have to fix that soon. Yes, I know it's just a reflection BUT. I love it. You are stupendous and your bollywooding cracks me right up. I'm too white for that. Thanks for all your tips...tips.( see what I did there? ;) )

Anyone else who reads my blog, I'm sorry. I was unaware. I'm sure you are a spectacular person. I'm even more for the "everyone is beautiful" thing nowadays and my judgemental habits are ever more slowly slipping away and it makes me happy because maybe, just maybe I can eventually make a change. Not entirely sure how, but maybe. Now, if you take anything at all away from this make it a renewed sense of people. People do things for a reason you know, and never forget that energy thats the driving force of every human interaction. Feel it, embrace it, learn from it, and love it.

Just mention the coffee pot that's all I'm sayin'

Kay, so I know I already wrote a blog about how happy yesterday was, but like, that was 3 in the afternoon, and so so much more happened in 24 hours. Eeeee I'm just so happy with life. Last night, was so bizarre, and I was so stoked to be tall, and so stoked to see my neighbor and so stoked that Jeff played hockey with Sams brother and so stoked to watch Ben's beer and it was all just good and crazy and fun and confusing and happy and tortellini and water bottles and lack of shoes and CHAYCE! And it being such a nonnonnon heinous night and Billy watching Bill and Ted and palm bay and Henry and bah! I just love life, and I love that craziness and I love highschool and I love talking to Sam and I love Erins dad for making me coffee which was so delicious and I just love everyone and everything right now. And I love having no homework and I love just being so so chipper. Eeeeeeeeeee I can't even describe. just picture me doing that happy sqeualy thing, and maybe even do it yourself anf then you can feel the happiness I have trying to escape. Bleh! I'm so excited. Oh and, lack of hangover=good day! Weeeoo!

EEEEE!

Today is a good day. I like being in the mood to blog and spread my happiness everywhere. First, my field hockey team won gold, undefeated all season! Hoorah! that's always a good thing. Then, Erinito and I got McD's which is obviously also a good thing. Then, I came to blog and i scrolled down fast and the words blurred and it was a big streak of yellow on blue. Which are such happy colours together. I am glad I made that decision for my blog. I also got whacked in the leg with a field hockey ball today, so maybe people will think my sport is intense now. I better get a good fucking bruise, it hurts too much to just go away. Ha, I just called field hockey my sport. That's cool. I also pulled a muscle in my arm playing dodgeball, which is a stupid way to get injured, but I think it's really funny anyways. Holy, it's 3 o'clock right now. Time fliiiiies! Bah, such a good day.

p.s. I love Robert Norton

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe ♥

Aw yeahh bangs yeah!

Getting your hair washed by a hairdresser is the besttt. I can't believe I cut bangs back in! I'm like my gr.8-11 self again. That bangless year was so strange. Haha, bangless, thats funny. I love Lindsay Milburn. She makes me so happy. I love that I discovered that family tie like 5 years ago. I love that my family is ever expanding and I meet new cousins all the time. That unconditional family love is so strange, yet so happy.

I'm so excited I actually do have a solo in musical theatre. What a pleasant suprise! I suppose it's like a trio, but, I sing alone so, suck on that. Also, I'm excited for grad pictures because they are another symbol of growing up. Which I don't like, but I like at the same time. I was looking at pictures of my little self and it was so sad. I want to sleep in my daddys arms again, and do all those cute and cool things little kids do. Growing up means I am allowed to watch Jersey shore though, so I'm okay with it.

sin^2(x)+cos^2(x)=1

I'm so content with life right now. Though my basement is much too cold, things seem to be going my way mostly. Sure I'm stressed as fuck, math is just a little too hard and I have to write about a thousand essays a week. But I'm happy. I've seen she who shall not be named so much lately, and it doesn't make me sad anymore when she ignores me, because I know I'm the bigger person. She'll have noone left to care for her eventually, and then I will pray that she becomes sane again. Maybe eventually she'll feel as bad as I did.

I'm happy that I have somewhere to go at lunch, and I don't have to rely on you anymore for that.That being said, I very much like doing lunch with you. Or anything else really.I also like that you are the kind of friend that understands what I don't say just as much (actually probably more) than what I do say.Yet another thing she couldn't do.



I used to always look at my little mantra, so it would make me happier, and cheer me up. And I get so so excited when I see it, and I don't need it. Because I am already happier than a bird with a frenchfry, i don't need that reminder. Now, it's more like a memory to spark that knowledge that I can be happy without her, without it, and with everything new I have.I knew things would look up. Because everything will always be okay in the end. And if it's not, it's not the end. Right?

Just givin' some thanks

I'm thankful for so much, it's not even fair.
I'm thankful I have so much to be thankful for, to start
I'm thankful for friends, old and new.
I'm thankful for family, near and far
I'm thankful for planes to take me to the far family, and bring them to me
I'm thankful for friends who are practically family
I'm thankful for friends I can play jeopardy with
I'm thankful for friends to make leaf piles with
I'm thankful for friends to hyperventilate laughing with
I'm thankful for crushes
I'm thankful for my tri-toned hair
I'm thankful for my home
I'm thankful for Gerard Butler
I'm thankful for people who make me smile
I'm thankful for education
I'm thankful for safety
I'm thankful for everything we take for granted
I'm thankful we don't live in a war zone
I'm thankful for health
I'm thankful for modern conveniences.
I'm thankful for song
I'm thankful for my voice
I'm thankful for cross country, and the family that it is
I'm thankful for choir and the family IT is
I'm thankful for field hockey and doing new things
I'm thankful for food, and especially thanksgiving dinners
I'm thankful for the Rostons, and The Mathesons who have basically helped raised me
I'm thankful that we're almost done highschool
I'm thankful for Nik Lewis
I'm thankful for weird hause music
I'm thankful for technology
I'm thankful for anything most non-heinous
I'm thankful that I am Katherine Madeleine McLean
Cheers, and happy thanksgiving =)

"who the fuck is riley?"

I decided I should write a blog. Because I feel like my top blog should be a reflection of how I'm feeling. And my last blog was kindof sad, and confused, so it wasn't very accurate. I like having good weekends. I like when the Stamps win. I like when our field hockey team wins. I like how our team already has some good dynamics going on. It makes me sad that the season is so short=( I like meeting new people. I like when people have funny names like Jam. Even if I know that's not their real name. I like Ted. I like detergent fights, however, the aftermath is pretty nasty.I like long showers. I like being asked to do important things.I like getting things done and having weight off my shoulders.I like going to those parties that everyone talks about after.I like making 'i like' blogs. They're so easy. I like that they're easy.I like knowing who 'riley' is, when there is highlighter on my arm. I like palm bay, not raspberry growers.I like bearded Erin. I like having a crush. I want it to be more solid.I like being big spoon. Lucky how that works out.I like hugs and kisses, and babies. Especially babies who love me. Which is every baby. Duh. Thats all. I love you.

the lily, the rose

There is so much I want to write about. I want to write about life, and death and the afterlife, or if there even is an afterlife. I want to write about loving the world and loving eachother. I want to write about how the universe never meant for humans to be so terrible to eachother, and to our earth. I want to write about what I always write about-about appreciating what we have and not taking things for granted.I want to write about how I like when people do things to prove the earth is not so bad. And prove that its a good place. I want to talk about my life philosophy. I don't like that I can think these things so so hard and then I can't write what I want to. I mean, I can. But it would take a long time. And I simply haven't got the time. I am exhausted. I want to document it though. And I will. I'll get to it.

Bise

"I like that yesterday was the best one year anniversary ever, and that we wore matching but not matching clothes and ate McMinis. The anniversary deserves to have a full blog dedicated to it, but I do not have the energy for that. SO, I love you Katie McLean, and I am not going to say any more about that, because that is really all that I feel matters at this moment."

I think this pretty much sums it up.Except Beenerkeekee videos and little kid pictures of Kate really topped it all off. I was looking at that picture, and our shirts really do match way more than I thought they would. And people were talking about it all night, I heard like 3 girls say 'everyone is wearing lace, i feel like i missed a memo' and then i laughed because I knew they were talking about our nice anniversary clothes, but also Jennas coincidental outfit of choice.haha And since this doesn't make sense to anyone but Erin, I'm going to go right ahead and write a little blurb for the rest of you.

I feel like things are looking up. I hope like other years, the past year will fade into a memory and the new year will meld into it's own and not a reflection of gr.11. I'm still upset about musical theatre, but perhaps it's not as big of a deal as I thought. I suppose other people have bigger worries and I should be more thankful for what I have and not fret on what I'm missing. Speaking of that though, I really appreciate the support from you people who know how much this has sortof torn me up. (This means you Hannah and Lyndsay)

'Katie McLean, I love you. Don't quit on us, please. We need you, regardless of the craziness and unjustness of castings'

Things such as this mean more than you know, and I love you guys too, oh so much.



I'm not entirely sure why I felt this picture should go in this blog, but I kindof know.

I really like being happy.

Rants of the fucking day

First of all, why the fuck do people not flush the toilet! School bathrooms are disgusting. By, gr.12 you should have that down.jesus.

Second of all, why are all the jean sizes at American Eagle so fucked up? I can buy a 4, and an 8 in the same cut with a different wash and they'll fit the same. What the fuck. That makes no sense, and doesn't make it easy on us. Also, I don't like wearing an 8 it makes me feel SO fat to buy an 8.

Third and mostly, I tried not to show it at school much, but I'm actually really upset I didn't get a legit part in MT.I have 4 lines. 4 lines. 1 in the first act and 3 in the second.I had more lines when I was Liza with a Z and I wasn't even in the class.Not impressed. It feels like a slap in the face when last year Ms.D said the only reason I didn't get a part last year was because I wasn't technically enrolled in the class, THEN she says that she thought my audition this year was 10x better than my audition last year, and then I don't get a part. I feel like that doesn't add up. And I don't want to be the whiney person who isn't thankful for what she got, but I'm allowed to be upset. I also forgot to mention that I hate camelot theme, and my lines are retarded. I'm not even stoked at all anymore. I feel like there's not much there for me now, and this play is just not exactly what I'd hoped for for gr.12.

UGGH I'm so frustrated right now I need some cake.

p.s. can someone also tell me why we're singing the boys are back in town and bad romance in a musical theatre production? What. the. fuck.

negatif, positif, et des esperations

I feel like writing a blog but I have nothing much to say. I hung out with Rachel today, and even though we got soaked in a monsoon, it was still fun. I think a beautiful friendship is going to blossom ;) haha. I also saw my good ol' violin teaxher Wan Tsai. I saw here 2 times a week for 12 years from when I was 4-15 and then suddenly I never saw her anymore. Thats a strange thing. I hate endings. But I love new beginnings. I also had a good skype chat with Hamed today, and I find myself laughing uncontrollably whenever I talk to him. It's really not fair.

I started this yesterday, and I still really want to write but I still have nothing on my mind. I don't like having nothing on my mind. I don't like the only thing exciting or interesting to be a boy. Or something so quizzical as that. I don't like knowing that next week everything will pick up and I am going to become very stressed and probably not that happy again. I don't like that a big chunk of my support system has up and left me to go to university. I don't like that everyone is in their own world and it is hard to up and find a new support system. I don't like that I want to open up but I have no words for how I'm feeling. I always know. And I don't like not knowing.I don't like the gr.12 table. I don't like missing my family. I don't like that the pictures of my cousins on my wall make me sad because I miss them so much. I don't like being tired.I want my energy back.

I like new beginnings. I like challenges, as long as they are not too challenging. I like new clothes. I like making new friends. I like looking forward to some classes. I like singing. I like dancing.I like choir. I like new youth group.I like being excited. I like hanging out with new people, who aren't actually new. I like being a happy person, and I wish that person was there as much as she used to be.

I wish I could look on the bright side more. I wish I could forget about the past. I wish I could have some faith.I wish to be valedictorian.I wish my brother and best friends were home again. I wish I had less to vent about and more to ramble about.I wish I had less depressing blogs. I wish I was not a boring person. I wish I was gr.10 me, she was cool.

Bittersweet

I can't even describe the mix of emotions i have going on in my head and my heart right now. I'm so sad that 3 people I love so much have left me this year to go to uni,so I've lost some of that comfort and I haven't even gone anywhere. And that leaves me being scared and apprehensive for this year. I know a lot of things changed last year and I'm hoping -with all my heart and soul- that those things won't carry into this year. I hope the time apart this summer has made some closure for everything, and opened new doors for great things to happen. I'm also really excited to see what this year has in store. I can feel already that it's going to be a wild one. And I'm pretty sure thats a good thing...I think. It's also just all very crazy that we're graduating this year. Everything we've worked for in our entire lives basically leads to this year. Leads to grad. We have seen this year in the distance for years and years and it is bitter sweet to have it all come to an end. Basically everything we know will change next year and that is so exciting and terrifying. But really, theres so much more to come and it's crazy that this whole phase of our lives, from kindergarten until now will all be a memory in a matter of a year. So far, our entire lives have been in school, but after this, the rest of our life will be so different and this part of our life which is now our entire lives, will just be a fraction of it. Isn't that bizarre? I think it's so bizarre. Anyways, I'm excited for this year, and for being the graduating class of 2011.

Roadtrippin' with my 2 favorite allies

Seeing that I've done a cross country drive probably over 20 times, and the Calagry-Vancouver drive countless times too, I consider myself a bit of an expert in this area, and I decided to write a guide to help any and all of you who have to one day face this terrible challenge.



1.Food: Feel free to eat all the junkfood you want, but when you can feel terrible later in the day- you know where it came from. On the other hand, if you're driving through the states, make sure to check out all the burger joints we don't have up north, sometimes that shitty driving feeling is worth it. Also, eat when you're hungry, drink when you're thristy. If you're not-DON'T DO IT! It leads to that shitty feeling, and unnecessary rest stops.

2. Rest Stops: Eat and er-evacuate at the same rest stop. If you do one, you'll be stopping to do the other soon enough and once you get on the road, you really just want to get where you're going, so stopping is not really in your best interest

3. Entertainment: Make sure to have lots of movies,books and charged iPod batteries. If you get carsick while reading or watching movies, set up a tent with a blanket so you don't see the movement outside. Trust me, you will need the dostractions.



4.Try to sleep as much as possible, there is no better feeling than waking up and the clock is an hour further forward than when you fell asleep


So, really since there is nothing to do in a car this is my entire guide, but if you have any further questions about roadtrippin, please do not hesitate to ask.

holy shit stop it.now.

Sometimes, actually, a lot of the time, people need to be more careful what they say. They think they're in the comfort of their own group, or in their own niche so they think it's okay to say all the rude, judgemental things that have been floating around their heads. You don't know how much I might love the person you're talking about. You don't realize how much your pressuring me hurts, and makes me feel like I'll never BE anything, or anyone. When you grow up-you should realize that you need to stop judging. I'm 17 and I've realized that. I know that little habits, or 'flaws' a person has don't define them. In fact, most of those habits and things are the reason people are themselves and not robots. Stop judging, stop being stuck in your old ways, and start growing up. You are a grown woman, and you need to learn.

Erin Envoy a la cottage!

+
Fourth Sense
Stamps Winning
Palm Bay
Giving Five Stars
Snappy Fireworks
Old school playboy
Gaasenbeeks!
BOXMASTERS
River Floatin





-
Getting Five Stars
Test No.3
Seagulls
Diaper changing
Sauna tent
Lack of petrolia boys ;)

The magic 8 ball has a total of 20 possibilities. 10 positive, 5 negative, and 5 neutral.

I think that's good. There's enough things in the world that can crush peoples self esteem and destroy their dreams.In fact, who says anyone has the right to judge anyone. Judging has never gotten anyone anywhere. Being judged is the most terrible feeling and after feeling it (which I'm sure we all have in some way or another) you realize, that as soon as you take just a few steps into someone elses shoes life and people makes a whole lot more sense. Looking at someone elses situation can make it a lot easier to deal with a situation for you, and can let you into their head so you can help them too.

On the other hand,don't judge me because I CAN DO THIS. I know I can, and I don't care what you tell me, I am GOING to meet my goals, and I am GOING to do what I want to do. Nothing is going to hold me back and I'm going to work my ass off to get there.

I've lip kissed everyone here

Dear Family,

This weekend has been one of the happiest, most love filled weekends of my entire life. I don't know how many hugs, kisses, and I love yous i have given and recieved, not to mention the thousand that were being given to everyone every which way. I feel so blessed to have been raised by such beautiful people inside and out, and it's times like these when I appreciate it the most. It's interesting being the only teenager around because I'm really really in between the adults and the kids but that is exactly where I want to be, because no matter what, I know all of you love me, and i love you all more than you know. I like that I can be rolling around in the grass and running and jumping with the little kids one moment, and being sneaked a drink by one of the uncles or older cousins the next.Um, just kidding mom, that never happens.And honestly all the people you surround yourselves with are the same kind of genuine people, who share the same love we all do.When the thunderstorm started, and we all cuddled up on the couch together I felt like crying because I was so incredibly happy to be with you all, and realized how lucky I really am, and was thinking about all the other family who wasn't there who I love so much. It's not only that I love you because you're family and I am forced to.(haha) but it's that each and every one of you is a genuinely amazing person.Everyone is positive,funny,loving,open,accepting, and generally just fun to be around.It's also neat that the little kids now, do exactly the same things in the summer as I always did- whether it's swimming in the Cuthberts pool, or harassing their older cousin (namely ME) to come play with them and spin them around.I have grown up with all of you and I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today without you all.You have all taught me so many lessons in my life that have built me as a person and that I will never forget. I look up to all of you and in you are all my idols, my heroes, for doing what you do everyday. And for just being you. I love you all so so so much.Thankyou for an amazing weekend,hopefully my heart will not burst with all the love you all stuff into it. You're the best.You're better than the best.

Love your daughter,sister,cousin,neice,and friend,

Katie

40*

I want to write a blog.
But it is muchmuch to hot.
We need a good thunderstorm.

In 5 years time

It freaks me out that I have to do university applications in like 6 months. Children do not do university applications. Big kids do. So I really do not know how I got roped into this.Everything is changing so fast.It is quite possible that this may be my last full summer in Ontario, but then again, I can decide on Europe or Ontario when the time comes.I still can't decide if I'm stoked on growing up or not. On one hand, we have so much to look forward to and basically our whole lives are ahead of us. But on the other hand, we have the toy story perspective, that we're leaving so much behind not just material things, not just our families but just time. Leaving our childhoods which I don't like one bit. Theres a lot to think about.

I made my bed today, even though I am handicapped at that. I don't do my own laundry. I don't cook for myself, well sometimes.If KD and sidekicks count.I can't sew.I procrastinate.a lot.In fact this blog started like 3 days ago. Basically I am fucked for going off on my own.

But! There is an upside! FREEEEEDOMMM. I will be 18 in less than a year. That is bizarre. No more hiding alcohol from my parentals. Not that I do that anyways. But y'know. It's exciting, and scary,and sad and uber happy. And I guess I can not wait for this rollercoaster of emotions. It's going to be a wild one.

That's all I have to say I think. I'll make a more vague and deep blog for no apparant reason in the near future. I think.

Firworks evoke a lot of feelings in me I think.

I think.

Toy Story: The trilogy of a generation

First off, can we just note how good of a title this blog has. Second, to get you all in the mood, please note that I am listening to 'you got a friend in me' in both english and spanish. Or better yet, pull up youtube and put it on yourself. Okay so we all know that toy story 1 was a fantastic movie and the second one did not fall far behind. But for those of you who have not seen the third yet, STOP READING AND GO SEE IT. I'm thinking it was so good that I'm going to put it on my top movies list. Well, that doesn't exist, but if I had one, it would be on there. It was so so good. Toy Story was a symbol of all of us growing up and to grow up with these movies just seems like something so special to me. Seeing Andy go off to college reminded me of Jeff leaving last year and of the crazy fact that that will be me next year. Leaving my toys and my childhood behind. Oh my goodness. I have never cried so much in a movie. And I think it's not only because of that ongoing theme, or that the fact that we can all relate to toy story in so many ways but because we all grew up with Andy.It was sad to see it end but I feel like it was the perfect ending, with just the right amount of closure and I'm pretty sure everyone else from our generation would agree. I think it's a good thing they aimed the whole story at us, and not at the new little kids that would be watching it. I think it's just cool that everyone has the same understanding that toy story is ours. And that's what makes my heart ache when I watch it. When Bonnie went to take Woody, and Andy clutched him to his chest and wouldn't let him go... OH BOY tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. And watching Andy play with his toys just one last time with Bonnie, oh my god literally I'm crying again.haha wow.But seriously, Toy Story 3 is a flash back to our past, and a look into our futures and that's what makes it truly special.

Toy Story forever, to infinity and beyond

You know it's summer when

You Get drunk on a Tuesday night and your parents seem to have no problem with that
You decide to go to Mcdicks for breakfast on a Wednesday
You put shorts on in the morning and it's not even cold
Your freckles begin to appear =)
You talk to your cousins about where, and when you plan to party with them
You play your guitar in the grass until it gets too hot
Your weird sunburn fades to a weird tan
Shoes are not an option. Unless flipflops count as shoes
Your mother stops saying 'it's too cold to wear that'
The only thing that stops you is the rain
You feel cooped up, not protected when you're inside
Socks are the death of you. (sorry erin)
Visions of cottages and lakes dance through your head
You say 'IT'S SO HOT' a lot.
You drive by school and either cringe,or say see you in 2 months mothafuckaa.
You can feel the rockin times juust around the corner

Monsieur M

and basically, you make me happy, you make me giggle, you make me smile, you are intriguing, you pretty much have nothing but qualities I admire, and adore. You simply make my day
xoxo

Greatest gifts

I just feel like every little while, I realize how beautiful life can be. This is just a short list of a few man made and natural things that just make me oh so happy.

Gods greatest gifts
Music
True Friendship
Baby's laughter
Sunshine
Rain (but only the good kind)
Fire
love love love, love love love.

Mans greatest gifts
Hottubs
Sidekicks
good books
highways
automobiles, even if they kill the planet

the top moments of 2009-2010

So, parts of this year have been very hard. But I try not to dwell on the bad things and since it is the end of the year the is the...

HIGHLIGHTS OF 2009-2010 BLOG

1. Mr Lams Math class: Mr Lam never failed to make us all laugh. And He is the only teacher that could actually make me want to go to math, because math is the bane of my existence. Mr.Lam was always there to stay after school and one day he stayed to teach me a whole unit i was missing for almost 3 hours after school. Now that is dedication as a teacher.He also claims how he hates crying girls but when tears came out of my face due to the copious amounts of math in my head pushing them out he was there to give me a pat on the shoulder and a "you can do it katie". Not to mention the hilarious times with Mandrea, Grayson and my all time favorite Evoy.

2. Terry Fox mosh pit: Really, I just love ABE spirit and I think that's so hilarious that that even happened. Also I crowd surfed so I am stoked on that opportunity!

3.New music: I found so much new music this year and got into a whole new style of it. MBF catalyzed my entry into the indy music world and thanks to him I discovered so much more music and so many more beautiful people such as Benny P and Mandy Stobo!

4. New friends: I made a bunch of new friends this year as usual, like Jessica Schelly and some of my little gr.10 comrades. But there was ne in particular, who is the bestest. I know you don't like compliments, because you are crazy, but you are the best friend I've ever had. I can be so down, and you-or a certain movie- can bring me right back up again. And I'm glad to say that the only times I've ever cried because of you are happy tears because you basically changed my life. I was in a slum, and I am not often found in slums but you kind of saved me and you made me happy again. I can't wait for more adventures with you because they will surely be great. I'm glad you don't judge me...unlike some people...haha but the point of the story is I send mad love vibes all over the world for you. Because you will undoubtedly travel to all the places I sent my love to and when we are Europe, we will catch the love in a jar, and never let it go. I love you. (no homo. hahahahaha)

5.Musical theatre: Today, I was pretty upset in the afternoon. So I decided to re-perform my cabaret for the other class and it picked me up immediately. There is nothing but music that has such power. But performing is even more incredible than just singing. And such. I love our cast. Our show was crazy, but I love it. It picked me up all the time and for that I am grateful

6. My favorite number. 6 was a good number this year. The number of months it took me to say fuck you for good. The month I started drivers ed. My field hockey number, Tims favorite number. It just makes me happy.

7. Cross Country: Cross Country is just my favorite time of year. It makes me sooo happy. I loved being captain this year, even if I was SPC, everyone knew I was the real captain. haha I also loved getting a gold medal for being city champs YEAH YEAH! Best thing ever. I love our team, I love winterstart and I love endorphins. They are a gift from god my friends. Gift.From.God.

8. My athletic awards! okay, this one is so exciting because I didn't even know I was getting them. I just showed up and they gave me a plaque and a medal and a pin and it was just all so exciting. Haha I love things like that. Anything engraved is legit, so I will accept that with a smile.

9.Waterloo Trip!: My winter waterloo trip was definitely a highlight of my year and i hope i hope my exam schedule is good next year so I can go again! I miss my cousins so so so much because they are just the best and the cutest things ever. I am also very excited for my heart to heart with my uncle Jim because that shit is going to happen.

10. Being happy: It wasn't there all year, but there were so many moments that I was stoked on. Like, all 9 things above. Field hockey and Swimming also make the list even though I am fat and lazy. I would give this year a decent rating. But it was no 10. Cheers my friends, have an awesome summer

Nouveau question

If you could have a swimming pool full of anything except water, what would it be and why?

Jus for kicks.

Maybe closure will never happen.

I think I'm slowly beginning to understand how you could have thrown me away like nothing. Let me rephrase that. I'm starting to understand why you thought it was okay to throw me away like nothing. No matter how much I get in your head, and see why you dropped me, I still don't understand how you could disregard a persons feelings like that. You're supposed to be a good little christian girl, and a representative of jobs daughters which teaches good values, and yet you can still treat a person like shit. Like you treated me. But I understand how you didn't think I was the same person anymore I just honestly wish you could have been straight up with me and told me what was going on instead of springing it on me and being so incredibly immature. I've grown apart from people. You're not the only person I've called my best friend, that isn't my best friend anymore. But you were the most brutal, messy 'break up' ever. Honestly when you walk in the same room as me I don't want to see your face because the memories come rushing back and make me want to cry.They make me upset. They make me angry. And I just don't even know what to do when I see you anymore. It's like none of this has phased you and erasing me from your life was the easiest thing you've ever done. I hope you get upset too thinking about the adventures that we will never have together. I hope you regret not finishing our list. I hope you miss crown grocery binges as much as I do. And it's not because I want you to be sad. I just don't want to feel like I was thrown out so easily anymore. I'm finally happy. I like where I am now. I just want you to know that I'm sorry things happened the way they did.I hope you know how much you hurt me.I hope you learn from this. I know I have. And I guess in a way, I thankyou for letting me find out so many more things about myself. I was bitter for a long time. I honestly didn't want to be around people at all. And you KNOW that's not me. But once you've been to a place you've never been before, and you bounce back the sky looks bluer the grass looks greener and life looks so so much more amazing. You made and make me so sad still. But at least when I think of the good parts, I can forgive you. Cheers.

p.s. I kissed nick and wished so hard that i could tell you.I hope that still means at least a little bit to you.



"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it"

I feel like this is a terrifc 50th post.

Who are you when noone else is around? I like to think I'm the same person I always am whether I'm with people or not. Maybe a little more outgoing, but who isn't? When you're home, you have to do the things that are socially unacceptable to get it out of your system. Like lying on the kitchen floor, can't really do that so much in public. But this is my analogy: We are all like a fridge light. When noone is looking, and the door is closed, we're the same person we always were just noone can see it. And when there are people around, we sort of turn on and so we're a little bit different, but really it's for everyones good. Like I always say, as long as you know who you are, doesn't really matter what other people think of you.It's always good to help people see their food in a fridge though, thats an imporant quality for sure.

Smells just like christmas

I feel like I write a lot of blogs. But my theory is because I seperate everything. Like some people, will write a blog and have like 3 different topics in it. But oh no, not me. I need some fucking order. So in my books this is a faux pas by writing this in a blog about something else, so were all going to forget that I did this and get right to it

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

This, I find is a very tricky question. I think so, because I do know how old I am. 16 years and 354 days old. It's also a tough one because there are some many different parts of me to consider, that it's hard to put one age on as a sterotype. For example, I think I understand people pretty good and I think in that way I'm a lot more mature than most highschool peeps so I'd put an older age on that like... lets go with twenty...seven. But then, I'm also a child at heart and I like to kick it old school a lot of time. And by old school i mean watch bugs bunny or have shrek marathons. So there, I'd say I'm like... 7. because I think I would say 12, but who are we kidding, from age 11-14 we were all the fakest shit in the world.Don't even think for a second you weren't ladies, YOU WERE. But thats okay, as long as we've all found ourselves again by now. It's only bad if you're stuck in that whole pleasing everyone stage. It's never going to happen. Just be you. So if you take those two numbers together, and find the average it.s 17. And I swear to god I didn't do that on purpose. That's fucking eerie. I guess I am right where I'm supposed to be. Perfect =)
I will now leave you with a parting song that I think represents me quite well.

To the moon

Don't you cry coyote I'll be your friend
I will listen to your sorrows 'til the very end

Mr.Sir.

You worried me so much. I kept thinking about you all day the other day.you know why? because I love you. so so much and I never want to see you hurt. And it breaks my heart to hear you say you don't think you deserve anyones care because you are one of the most amazing people I know. I don't know whether it's you're swooshy hair, or your ability to never ever disappoint me,but theres something special about you. So you ask me why? And say that you're not even a good person and you're barely even nice. But I really don't know. All I can say is that you make me happy.And I miss you.And when I'm with you, my smile will never fade. You are more than worth my time.Come back to me.

Keep this in mind.

I know it's all over. And it's better now. But I feel myself getting scared every once in a while and the emotional rollercoaster doesn't want to let me off.

Bleh.

How much is unproven potential worth?

Ryan, your question makes me have to think so much harder than everyone elses.Unproven potential seems pretty pointless to me because its just hidden away but I think it is worth as much as it is worth to the beholder. If potential is not shown or used it will never grow, or be developed into anything. But as long as the person knows its there it can be unleashed anytime and wreak havoc on whatever it may.Undiscovered or unknown potential on the other hand is probably the most useless thing ever because it can only be discovered by luck that that person tries the thing they have potential in.I guess unproven potential is pretty much garbage until it's proven, then its not unproven anymore now is it?

Not anymore.

what do you like about you?

I like my eyelashes. And I really like when people say they look like false eyelashes or when they go woahhh your eyelashes are the longest I've ever seen! It makes me feel awfully special.

I like my eyes. I like them because I think they're a very pretty blue and they sparkle a little bit in the light.

I like that I'm tolerant. I think people make a big deal over little things sometimes and its really not worth it. Like 'ohh so and so talked to me on facebook but i dint reply because i dont like them' I think it's really not that much effort to say hey back to the kid who doesn't have many friends, they know you're there. Don't kid yourself.

I like my voice and I'm proud and happy that I can sing. And I'm usually fairly humble about it. But this is a things I like about me blog so that is unnecessary.I like it because it's not something everyone has and so it makes me feel special too. And, I also just love singing with all my heart, so if I couldn't I do not know what I would do.

I like that I'm a free spirit. I don't like being tied down by the norms and even though I follow them mostly I like that I will occasionally do something stupid and be able to laugh at myself. And by occasionally I mean often in case anyone was worried.

I like that I'm honest. I think it would be hard to keep everything bottled up inside.In the same way I like that people can trust me and that those people who bottle things up sometimes confide in me. I guess I like anything that makes me feel special.

I like that I am able to appreciate the little things in life. I think life would be so much less fun if you didn't notice and take in the things that we take for granted, at least once in a while. I also like that I like being outdoors because people who don't are really missing out on a whole lot of beauty.

I like my boobs. That was for you Lyndsay and Hannah. Just admit they're nice. Okay thats enough of that.

I like that I'm chatty. whether other people do or not, I can keep up a conversation and it helps me avoid a lot of awkward situations.

I like that I can like myself. When I am myself.I like being real. It's a beautiful beautiful thing.

And so I think if we're all thinking about what we like about ourselves, here is my question

What is the best and worst quality in a person?

Where is your most favourite place to be in the whole wide world?

So this is in response to Gundepoos blog because I got in trouble from her for replying in comments and not it a blog. So here goes.

Lets see. If I literally had to pick a place, I probably would pick the beach at my cottage. But it has to be a super super hot day and there has to be all my hooligan cousins running around begging me to play with them. Because there really is no better love than a love from a little kiddy who admires you so much. Speaking of my little cousins, I miss them times a million, and I can't wait to see them in a monthish =)

But if you're talking about a place as in a state of mind, or just a state of being then that's a whole different story. But luckily, I know all about it because I've been in about a thousand of those places this year. One place I don't like to be, is abandoned by someone you thought was your best friend. Because that is a very lonely place.And even when you're surrounded by a bunch of people, you find yourself hating people a whole lot more and you don't see the positive things as much as the negative things. So since that is where I hate being, I think it's pretty easy to see where I want to be. And that is finding a new friend and realizing they're pretty much the opposite of everything you didn't like about the friend who ditched you. Because this place is fun, and exciting, and you find yourself laughing at least 8x more than you find yourself crying, and that is a good feeling. I also really like feeling wanted, and not disposable.Actually, it's pretty pitiful, but I also really like blogging. It's a good outlet, and it feels good to put what I'm thinking outside my head even if noone reads it.I'm pretty much happy anywhere as long as there is either people I love around, or music filling my ears.And if there's both, that's where I like to be most.

you try to feel the beat

Don't you love, when someone types something, and you can totally imagine it in their voice?
I do.

I'm your puppet

I feel like I'm over it. But being replaced again would hurt way too much.

New music new music first kisses first kisses

I expected this weekend was going to be boring. But the first day already has proved me wrong. If I sit around on the couch for the rest of the weekend, I will be satisfied. But it's okay, because I get to see the lovely Evoy today, so I know it will be good.I'm just so excited that even though I still kind of hate people and I think everyone is super stupid, I'm so happy with things right now. It's warm, school is almost finished, and I get to se my bros tonight!So here comes the profound start followed by more classic rambling. I think I've finally come to peace with the fact that everybody's changing. I was so upset because I fought it for so long and I didn't want anything to change, but I think it's just that the transition period is the hardest. You want so hard to stick with the old framiliar things, and you don't realize that the new things can be just as, or more exciting.But change is a good thing. I feel like I'm happy with who I am. And even if other people don't like it, I know that I'm me and it's a hell of a lot easier than not liking myself. And I think, even though I'm still scared of some things in the future, I might as well just live in the moment because now I know, that even when things get not so awesome, theres still so many amazing things. The sky is still blue, we still have music, we still have family we still have sunshine and there is SO SO many little things to appreciate. Like finding a new song that makes your heart flutter or having your first kiss with someone that you've waited for for so long. Life is beautiful and so are you. Everyday I plan to be happier than a bird with a french fry, and if I'm not, I'll stop and breath until I am.

That is all.

You inspire me. I love you.

Letter to the family from my great grandmother

"There will be nothing new in this letter I have not told you before but eternal things cannot be spoken of too often. If I have taught you any- thing of the abundant life I am happy & have therefore left you something of real worth. Give up the habits that are stumbling blocks to you or anyone else. Don’t let the suffering that has come from mistakes be wasted-use it to strive to greater heights. Ask for God's help not only in times of trouble but in times of prosperity. Sometimes prosperous times are more testing than adverse times. Never measure success by material things. Try to be in God's house on Sundays. Memorize 'A morning resolve' in your 'Forwards'& say it every morning & then by God's grace try to follow it. Walter said 'all stick together' & I say it too."

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

I like knowing someone so well you know exactly what they're going to say next
I like trusting someone so much you can tell them everything you love, even if its a little off beat. Like, drinking coke out of magically appearing camping mugs, or eating on the floor.
By the way, I like those things.
I like thinking you don't know anything about a person, then discovering certain commonalities.
I like tea.
I like wearing other peoples clothes
I like being asked for advice
I like when people trust me with their secrets
I like being confused, then finding the answers i need
I like when people genuinely compliment me
I like having pretty music in my head
I like when people say I love you unexpectedly.
I like when people say I love you expectedly.
I like Erin Evoy.
I like holocaust survivors. But not the holocaust.
I like Beating the 20 questions ball. [little asshole]
I like how the sun sets late.
I like genuinely missing someone then getting to see them.
I like massage trains
I like that I can think of so many things I like
I like Jake Steven Ronald Klein-Waller
I like when i accidentally type love instead of like.
I like watching the land before time
I like lyrics that actually mean something
I like that you have tree in your room [ see what I did there Grayson ;) ]
I love life.

It's like forgetting the words of your favorite song

I've been having some really crazy dreams lately.It seems like sometimes I don't have one for a long time, then I have a couple in a row.I feel sorry for people who say they don't dream. I hope they're like me and they're just in a lull. Sometimes I wake up just being weirded out by it, or sometimes I wake up super super happy, or sometimes it's like in a movie and I practically wake up screaming. I actually do believe that dreams mean something, and I really wish I could figure these out. It sounds crazy, but I've had dreams that have practically come true, so ever since then I kindof over analyze dreams. If you're thinking it in your subconcious dream life, there must be some part of you that wants you to know it right? So the dream world pushes your subconcious thoughts into your concious thoughts, so you're able to make things happen.I find that in these dreams you're usually in a place you've been, but it's not the same. It's foggy and vague because it's not an important detail, but you know where you are. And the important parts, like the people, are really vivid, and you can see their outfits and their hairstyles exactly like they are in real life and when you wake up it's like it really happened, and you don't want it to end.I also think that in these dreams you can FEEL things. Like cold, like hugs, anything that could happen in the real world, but you wouldn't think would be possible in a dream world.Basically, I am amazed at the possibilites of the brain, and I'm excited to sleep now. Dream on friends.

quotes o' the day that made me smile a little

Rochelle Edwards:
hi.
youre hot.
rochelle

Margaret Smith: Hey Katie....I thought I would let you know that I love you! Only a little. But definitely a (non lesbian.....more like a cheeseburger) kind of love.

Melissa Papp: i miss your face!!!!!

Erin Evoy: your other post thingy made me smile, A LOT

David Wenzel: I wish we could've gone together! David and Katie. Watching a Beatle. :)

Ian Fretts: you're my favorite

MaryJane: I'm Katie McLean, I'm so cute

Andrea Zakaib: katiee i luff you!!!

MWAH

This blog is becoming people who flatter me. But I'm going to continue just once more

'alove you more than you will ever know'
-michael vandenberghe
xoxo

Ian Fretts is just so nice

"that's good katie i'm glad haha there's alot of amazing things about you and i don't know if people tell you often enough
you're one of the happiest/nicest/prettiest/coolest people i know :D
and the world would be alot worse off if you weren't in it "

I heart grayse

"Grace drew a picture at school yesterday and underneath it said I (heart) Ked. I asked her who Ked was and she said it spelled Katie. So I asked her who Katie was, thinking it was a friend from school, but it was you! hahaha, thought you would like to hear that!"

I love love love having little cousins =)

This feeling in my bones

I hate that I can't read you. It kind of drives me insane. haha. I just don't know whats up with you. When we chill, it's like I can tell you anything, but in between those times I don't know what I am to you. Wowza this isn't even making sense to me so if anyone is reading this, I sincerely apologize if you're not compehending my babblings. I guess after what I've been through this winter, I miss having a best friend and I guess I just want it to be you. So don't leave me, or I may just cry a river.and a half. okay thanks. =)
Oh and p.s. I kind of love you. times a banillion. so y'know, just keep that in mind.

Food is gross.

Did you know, we have no idea what we eat. It's disgusting. If you take a closer look at the food industry you would not only be glad to become a vegetarian,but an anorexic. It's not just meat. It's plants, animal products, pretty much everything. Don't go off worrying about me though, I promise I will keep eating and being my fat self, I'll just be more grossed out by it now. faaaaantastic.

This is the first day of my life

I love the fellas. I love dragging Erin to fort calgary. I love Ben and his thousands of hugs. I love Michael and his embarassing cheers. I love musical theatre. I love that I made field hockey. I love Melissa Papp. I love Jessicas cover of tik tok. I love Davids man cleavage in my face just kidding,that grossed me out. I love my Petrolia boys. I love hot michael (haha). I love being on spring break. I love feeling good about myself. I love being content with the way things are. I love Erin Evoy for reading my blog. I love stealing ideas from her. I love trying to get a perfect picture. I love life.

he said bye bye, bye to all of the noise

Spring break could not have come at a better time. Life is superb right now but I need a breath. And I never need space. Like ever. But right NOW I feel smothered and I really just can't wait to breath in the ocean air, and when I return, I will love everyone again. =)

Don't let yourself fall down

SO. TODAY. We were doing a voice workshop in musical theatre and we talked about impulses. And I was thinking, wouldn't the world be so much more fun if we didn't have to suppress hundreds, maybe even thousands of impulses a day? Don't you wish we could SCREAM when we wanted to, laugh when we wanted to, do a spin when we wanted to. Let EVERYTHING GO at any given moment, for any reason at all. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone just said "that hurt my feelings" when someones being a bitch, if we were all a little more honest we would have so many less problems. And people wouldn't be judged for what they did, but who they really are inside.Which brings me to good old english class when we were reading an essay about some guy who says the inner man doesn't exist and that you are ONLY defined by the way you behave and your motives and feeling just don't count.They're not there just because noone else can see them. Everyones a little bit crazy.Everyones a little fucked up. And Amelia and Erin and I decided that as long as you realize you and everyone else is a little fucked up, then you're good to go. But if you DON'T, then thats when you're really in trouble. Why can't we just let go? Chill. That would be my perfect world.

Hi boy =)

Hi there =)

Thankyou for being such a good friend. I am so incredibly happy we met =) I love doing lunch with you. And watching disney shows. And planning to watch other disney movies. And wearing your clothes. And walking around with no shoes on. And texting about our uncontrollable smiles. And making KD. And eating icecream. And my crazyness rubbing off on you.And you not judging me.And me not judging you. And us being the same person some days. And having stalker grade 10's.And telling you everything I can think of at a particular time. And not having any classes with you. OH NO WAIT I HATE THAT. And laughing.a lot. And comparing Michael Scott to Grayson Owen.And you working your way up to the bulletin board.And 2 blogs.

Bottom line. I love you. Never leave me okay? okay.

oh and by the way. a vote for bob is a vote for bob.

good day.

+
Fishtankmotor
roll up the rim
timbits
goodwill shoes
yarn moccasins
techno
crown grocery
Musical Theatre
Jessica Schelly!
Benny P
Anopy and Janes number

-
losing roll up the rim
johnny skipping!
interception

Everything happens for a reason?

People kept telling me things would work out and things would change. And I'm so so glad they were right. The whole situation has taught me about who my real friends are and all that jazz. Things are shaping up quite nicely and I'm so glad I've become closer with a couple people, and have become friends with some fantaaaastic people. Like people whos clothes I steal,for example. Or people who I go goodwill shopping with, or people who I am going to support wholeheartedly in their spelling endeavors. Or even people I am going to go on double dates with my invisible boyfriend.
Also, Musical Theatre makes my day. Fridays and Mondays I feel so deprived.I love our cast. All of them. MWAH.

Life is good =)

Sally Bowles. My hero.

"That's me, darling...I am a most strange and extraordinary person...Does it really matter so long as you're having fun?"

Story of my life right now.

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Since everybody's changing
And I don't know why.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

Ooo...
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

And it sucks bigtime.

Scotty

I sat beside a super hotty on the plane home today. Like super hot.
And he told me his life story, and told me to stay away from drugs, and told me I was pretty and made my day basically.We talked about love at first sight, and falling in love. He's never had a girlfriend. Did I mention he was super hot? So I was flabbergasted. Also, he had a toothache and he said it was the worst pain he'd ever felt, so I felt like a bitch when I whined that it was cold. hahaha. We listened to his music, and played some tetris. He scored 6 lines in 4 minutes. I almost cried.But anyways he was used to be a super hockey player, and he was in the WHL, but then he started partying too much, and he did some druuuugs and then he quit hockey, and worked in the oil mines for a bit, then him and his buddy made a company and he owns a company now. It was champ. Good flight.

Dear Friend

So a couple blogs back, I was just saying how theres people i hope I get closer to, and friends I hope I don't lose. Thankyou for responding to my plea. It makes it a lot easier that you are going through this too, (even though I am sooo not happy that you are, because it sucks.) But at least we can do it together,and you may even get the upgrade to my bulletin board if we keep this up.
hahaha
♥

Taking Woodstock

Can we please bring "far out" back?

Mwah!

I just really love Jake Steven Ronald Klein-Waller, he's kinda my favorite
♥

choochoo

I was on the train today, and I was thinking how I haven't seen any weird people on the bus/train lately.And not just weird people, but like UNIQUE PEOPLE. So I was innocently people watching and everyone looked so AVERAGE. I think we chould bring back the uniqeness. And I don't mean fuckin weird American Apparel clothes and poser emos. I mean yourselves. But who am I to talk? I guess I'm pretty guilty myself.

L block please

It's the little things in life I wonder about. Like how many hours of my life have I spent playing tetris, and old school nintendo

You're cute =)

This is going to be a tough one.

Happy new year!

I'm pretty stoked going into 2010.It's kinda a confusing time right now. I feel like I need to figure out who my true friends are, because I am drifting apart from my best friend. I tried to fix it, but in the end it's too much effort. We're drifting apart for a reason I guess, and maybe we're just not the same people we used to be. As hard as that is to say.I'm excited to start pharmacy tech and semester 2 should bring some new and interesting challenges, and theres lots of things I'm looking forward to. I'm actually kind of nervous, because I do have a lot of friends, but none that are really close. And I don't like that feeling. I want a couple friends to eat lunch with and chill with, and be myself wholeheartedly with. And I try to be myself all the time, but it is oh so hard to not slip into the cookiecutter once in a while, to please certain people. I love all my friends, I just wish I could be closer with some of them. It's going to be tricky,but as life goes on, it's presenting challenges and new exciting things. I just hope those tricky things turn out well, and that the exciting things dominate the scary things, and I can conquer anything.

I've quoted it before and I'll quote it again
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line."
Lucille Ball